All Falls Down
1/13/10 5:08am ~ Blah blah blahMy parents returned to the States for the week on Sunday and so when my mother called this afternoon, quite distressed, to tell me about the earthquake in Haiti, I was selfish. My first thought was, “Thank God my parents aren’t in that hellhole.” I know this is a horrible, self-involved thought but my parents spend half of every month in Haiti and I do not know what I would do if I had to be one of the thousands upon thousands of Haitian Americans who have spent the past several hours futilely trying to call Haiti to hear word of loved ones.
I was upset about the earthquake but I also had to teach from 7-9:30 pm and I am preparing for a campus visit and stressing about hearing from two schools who won’t be making decisions about campus visits until the end of the month and I’m working on my dissertation and I’m sore from a hellish workout and I’m having an unspeakable hair crisis and I’m in a dysfunctional relationship and I spent two hours in a conference call with my brothers talking about something that had nothing to do with the earthquake and I’m sulking about all these rejections. In the face of all that, I have to accept that my life is so fucking petty. I sit here and I blog and self-obsess about my first world problems while the world falls down.
I have a lot of family in Haiti–aunts, uncles, my maternal grandmother, cousins, a great aunt and uncle. Some of them we’ve heard from. Some of them we cannot reach. My great aunt and uncle’s home has collapsed and they cannot be found. Our family’s business is in Haiti and the concrete plant has partially collapsed. We have 500 employees and it will be days before we know what has happened and to whom. My parents’ apartment is in the Hotel Montana and the hotel has collapsed. We’re the lucky ones. We come and go at will. We have generators and laptops and satellites. We can, theoretically, rebuild.
At least two million people are homeless on a tiny island with no infrastructure, no sewer system, no healthcare and now, no electricity and no telephone access. Based on scraps of information, word is that most buildings more than one story tall have collapsed. If they haven’t collapsed, they’ve likely sustained serious damage which cannot be safely assessed without international assistance. There are people lying in the streets broken and bleeding and they are calm because they know no help is coming. The streets are quiet because there are no ambulances. There is no searching. There is no rescue. Their lives truly are in God’s hands. My cousins and I, both here and there, have been talking on Facebook of all things, exchanging scraps of information, trying to piece together the family tree between here and Port-au-Prince. We share links and we follow Twitter and refresh Google News every five minutes and try to reconcile with what has happened.
My father is bound and determined to find a way back onto the island to help with the rebuilding efforts and my mother, brothers and I are bound and determined to hide his passport.
Two days ago, Haitians were cautiously optimistic. All things being relative, things were looking up in Haiti. The Royal Caribbean pier in Labadie was finished in December and the Oasis of the Seas docked there on its maiden voyage. A couple of major hotel chains had announced plans to open hotels in Haiti. Bill Clinton in his role as Special UN Envoy to Haiti was helping to build international confidence in the island so as to revive the tourism industry. Now, no one knows what will happen.
Late this evening, my mom and I were talking about how the before and after pictures of the slums looked mostly the same. That is the real tragedy of Haiti. When a natural disaster strikes the developed world, you know somehow, some way, that that place will rebuild. I am skeptical that Haiti will be able to recover from this disaster. We simply do not have the means. There is not enough aid in the world. Where will the aid workers stay if there are few buildings left standing in the capital? How will they function if there is no electricity or potable water? How will they work safely if the deforested mountains are falling down on their heads? How will they reach the devastated areas if the roads are impassable and there’s no way to remove the obstructing debris? The world would be better off finding a way to move everyone who’s still alive somewhere else to start over–find us a new Israel. If the earthquake was devastating, and it was, the attempts for Haitians to survive will be catastrophic as the food and fuel runs out. With no police force and a crippled UN force, chaos is going to reign.
Many Haitians like to say that the price we pay for the freedom we won two hundred years ago was to endure misery until the end of time. On days like today, I think that freedom wasn’t worth the price Haiti has paid.
God has forgotten or forsaken Haiti.
Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, tonight.
I’ve been thinking of you since this happened. Someone on FB recommended Yele Haiti as a place to donate to an earthquake fund. What do you recommend?
Yele Haiti is a great charity. Also Doctors Without Borders and the Red Cross.
I was just going to ask the same thing as Matt. Any suggestions on how we can help? My thoughts and wishes go out to you and your family and to all the people of Haiti.
Thanks, Casey. Very appreciated.
Thinking of you and your family, Roxane.
Thanks, Paula.
I’ve been thinking of you throughout this crisis, Roxane. I think that we all have a selfish reaction when we hear this kind of news. Then we think of all the innocent people who are dealing with it in the moment and our empathy kicks in. You’re keeping it together pretty well. I’ll be donating to the Red Cross tonight. As an island dweller living close to a fault line this scares the crap out of me.
Thank you, Eric.
I mean, thank you Teresa.
I’m big happy your parents are alright, and I hope the rest of your family comes out unharmed, too. Be well, Roxane…
Thank you, Eric. Much appreciated.
i was just thinking of you and your manuscript ayiti (which i’ve been anxious to read since you first mentioned it) the day before, and now all the more. relieved to hear your parents are okay, and i hope the same for the rest of your family. i’ll be donating to red cross or unicef tonight as well.
please take care, roxane
much love in your direction
Thanks very much audri.
I sleuthed you out to see if I could find out whether you and your family were alright – I’m very glad to hear your parents were here, and will keep your Haitian-based family in my thoughts and prayers. Teal has also said she’s been thinking of you. Many blessings are being wished your way.
Leigh
Leigh, thank you so much for your note. My parents are safe and most of my family is safe as well. My great uncle and aunt have, sadly, died and there are some relatives missing but I also know how lucky we are in the grand scheme of things. Please tell Teal thank you for her thoughts, as well. All this support from friends means a great deal.
The grand scheme of things sometimes sucks, but I’m glad nonetheless that you’re on the lucky end of things..
On a brighter note, I’ve been reading your archives. You’re a good writer – a very good writer, and funny. Do not despair! The acceptances count just as much, remember, even if there are never as many of them.
And I’m really, really glad to see you’re doing so well. It seems we all ended up well – at least thus far, and I’m an optimist. Hope has feathers, etc. Life’s a beach!
I am glad to hear you are well too. It is a kind mercy that we all ended up well. I think we had it coming.
I think we did, too. I’m on FB if you want to friend me – which I’d like, but it’s up to you. You can find me through teal’s page.
I saw some footage of this yesterday and it was unspeakable. I’m so glad your parents weren’t there and I hope your missing relatives show up unharmed.
I’ve been thinking about this all day, and I’m upset to hear that so many of your family members have been affected. I’ll be thinking about you and your family and praying that everyone turns up safe and sound.
Dear Roxane, I found out about the earthquake on BBC, and got directed to your reflection from Luna Park. It saddens me a great deal to read about the suffering in Haiti, and to read about how you’re having to grapple with it. I hope all will be well with your family. You’ll be in my prayers. Take good care, please.
Oh Roxane, my heart goes out to you and all of Haiti and I only wish that wishes could help more than the few dollars I can donate. Now’s the time for the miracle of the loaves and fishes.