I Have Become Accustomed To Rejection

Outstanding Submissions: 13

Rejections: 1, personal

Post Road has passed on a story of mine that has been rejected more times than I care to count. And its always the same rejection–we like your writing but we do not like this story. When am I going to take the hint? In the meantime, I take comfort in knowing Post Road is very impressed by my writing and looks forward to my next submission.

Let’s not make small talk today, friends. Instead, we shall talk about the two hours I’ve spent on my hair today. Last night, I went to the coop and indulged my very VERY secret hippie dippie tendencies. I don’t like to admit this but I do prefer to eat organic when I am at home. I am fat healthy, okay? At home. Where I can hide it. I got some sad looking tomatoes because the organic produce up here is pathetic. Also, I buy hippie product so I got some very expensive organic shampoo and conditioner (super sexy bottles) and lavender oil and a significant quantity of Vitamin D. I could have held a fucking drum circle.

Today, I rubbed lavender oil into my scalp and did some incantations and meditated deeply. Then I washed my hair with this tea tree hippie shampoo and conditioner (which smells fantastic. When my scalp reached optimum tingle as per the instructions on the bottle, I started dancing in the shower. I literally started dancing because I felt like something important was happening. Also, I was listening to New York State of Mind by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys and Garth Brooks and really, who wouldn’t dance under such circumstances? Then I put another kind of conditioner on my hair just to make sure all my bases were covered and then I applied some Carol’s Daughter product (also expensive and organic) and now, my hair smells great and looks bouncy and shiny and I am poor. I feel good about it though. Hair is so important, friends. Hair is way more important than money. I’m off to the casino now with friends.

PS: I do not use hippie house cleaning products. When it comes to scrubbing toilets and such I want industrial germ killing stuff that might give me a fatal disease or a significant tumor in my abdomen that grows hair and/or teeth.